Friday, December 28, 2012

Not sure this is very romantic, but...


I like this time of year. I really do.

It’s like the big comfortable hammock,  hanging between the stresser of Christmas,  and the upcoming resolutions of New Year:  
A sort of, kick back and do what you want time. Eat leftovers and wear pajama trousers time.
(Although if you’re the lady in the park this afternoon in the Christmas penguin flannelette combo,  I’m guessing that’s you most of the time. I mean, come on. A Christmas penguin two piece and Gucci sunglasses?  And completely unabashed. That’s the lifeshould be living!)

Anyway, this might be my favorite week of the year; even though we’ve a wedding anniversary right in the middle of it, and wedding anniversaries are one of those times when there’s an expectation. And I don't mean from my other half.

Honestly, tell people you haven’t so much as exchanged a card in the 11 years you’ve been married, and they can’t hide their alarm. 

Personally I blame the ancient Romans.
The Romans were always screwing everything up for everybody:  Building straight roads (when everybody knows the best roads are bendy) the whoopee cushion - and they called themselves a civilisation - and for, bloody well, making anyone have to try and understand Latin.
And then if that wasn't enough, in the Holy Roman Empire, they had a tradition that when a couple had been married 25 years, the husband should present his wife with a crown of silver laurels.
Those sort of traditions breed like kardasians , and now, on the first anniversary you give paper, second cotton, 4th fruit  and so it goes on.

We've been married 11 years, so I'm meant to give him steel. So I handed him a spoon to stir his coffee this morning. 

But my husband and I had two weddings, so although we've been married 11 years, technically this is our 21st wedding anniversary. - Yes, take that Romans!

Our first wedding on December 28th 2001, is what we called our legal marriage. We had the second wedding,  the following summer in Brittany, France.
A ridiculously fun affair, that lasted three days- in a chateau with a campsite and some bed and breakfasts nearby, so guests could be upmarket in a chateau,  and those who preferred, could be upmarket in a sleeping bag, in their own tent.

I won't go into the why's and the wherefores of France (unless of course I'm still blogging on that anniversary) but in short, the wine is great, the weather's pretty good and gay people can get married that way too.  My husband and I are both heterosexual but that doesn't mean we believe we're part of a club that has exclusive access to "spiritual commitment." 

Anyway, we had to be legally married somewhere else first, and so we chose a little snow-bound registry office in Dunoon on the west coast of Scotland, with only close family present.
The ceremony was short and sweet and then all 24 of us headed off to a reception in the local hotel function room (which boasted it could hold 250).

The hotel staff were pretty bewildered by the size of the party- one solitary table in the middle of what seemed like a great cavern. The flowers were sparse against the emptiness of the room,  and Frank Sinatra played from the CD player, whilst disco lights flashed on an empty dancefloor.
Ridiculous karaoke was sung by those who would normally NEVER sing publicly, but who didn't give a damn to be up on stage singing to 23 other people in a function suite that should be holding 250.
And as the snow fell outside, coal fires burned inside, and malt whisky in glasses and terrible versions of  "Sweet Caroline," and the silliest, silliest of parties.

If only all the signing of legal documents could be celebrated like that,  visiting an  attorney would be a whole lot more fun.


It's not that I'm not grateful. I am. But at this time of year both me and him feel kind of "gifted out."
As for cards,  Hallmark don't seem to make any that say, "Can't believe I still like you this much, after all this time.”

Personally,  I think you should celebrate your anniversaries the way you celebrate your wedding -  not to please other people, but exactly how it suits you. – (which for you, lady in the park this afternoon, may well have been in some flannelette penguin two piece)
That's right, screw you Caesar.

So, happy happy happy anniversary husband.
11 years. 21 anniversaries.
And so this year, I’ve erm…written you a blog xxx